So I go to the refrigerator, where I know there are some cookies leftover from Sunday night’s party. “I’ll just have one,” I tell myself. My self knows better, but it’s polite enough not to call me a liar right there in front of me.
I reach into the bag to grab ONE cookie, but when I pull my hand out, I have two cookies. Honestly, it was not a case of overreach. What had happened was that I had grabbed one cookie (a “fudge stripe wanna-be”) but it had melted to the cookie next to it. It really was not my fault that I grabbed two cookies.
What to do now? Well, I could put that cookie-duality back and reach for a single cookie. But now my finger prints and/or germs are all over the thing. Or, I could try to break the cookies apart and put one of them back. I really couldn’t see how that could be accomplished without getting my germs all over the cookie I put back—thereby infecting the next cookie-eater in some, probably unfortunate, way.
For the good of those who might follow after me, I took both co-joined cookies.
Like the government, I think there’s virtue in thinking of the right thing even if what one ultimately does is wrong. It’s the sentiment that counts, right! Isn’t that the message we’re constantly given by a ruling class that always knows what’s best for us, even if their own personal health care system is nothing like the one they just authorized for you and I?
Anyway, why are cookies that aren’t “name brand” often so inferior to name brand cookies? You know you’ve purchased the discount black and white cookies before and told yourself—and maybe even guests—that they’re “just almost as good as Oreos.” And you kind of meant it. It’s clear to everyone, though, that they aren’t as good as Oreos, you just tried to save a buck or two.
Why is this? I have looked at the packages of name brand cookies and the packages of discount rip-off cookies and one thing they both have in common is: ingredients. And generally, the ingredients are the same. (What’s scary is that the ingredients for the oatmeal cookies are identical to the ingredients for the peanut butter cookies and, quite possibly, the bacon-double-cheeseburger.) So how is it that, given the same ingredients, one of the companies (or, who knows, it may just be one big company making all the cookies) makes an inferior wafer? I figure it has to be by design. Somewhere—and I think it’s safe to blame Congress for this—there is an agreement that only the name brand gets to produce the good cookies.
I think this flies in the face of everything America stands for but I can’t figure out how or why to address it. I just bring it up to take my mind off what I’m going to do with that second cookie I said I wasn’t going to eat.
Break the cookies apart and eat one and throw the other away? That’s crazy talk!