OK, now that you have buffed and toned your body into perfect bikini shape (if you’re a woman) or beach Adonis shape (men) (of course you have), it’s time to plan on where to go for that all-important summer vacation.
In the old days, if one wanted to go on vacation, you had to pile everyone into the pick-up and head west like Henry Fonda in “Grapes of Wrath” and just hope you came across someplace nice to stay. There weren’t any nice places to stay back then because the world was in black and white and color hadn’t been invented, so the best you could do on this vacation was stay at Uncle Merle’s house. Uncle Merle’s house was out in the country, far from anything interesting, and it had a set of stairs off the back porch that went down to the world’s darkest and smelliest root cellar but it was better than staying at home, so you went.
Now, though, we have all sorts of vacation options. From trips overseas to countries where—if movies are any indication—you will be kidnapped, to vacations to other countries where—again, trusting the movies—it’s legal to shoot the locals, to staying closer to home and going to one of the many fine amusement parks, zoos or “points of interest”, the modern vacationer is practically unlimited in his choices.
Therefore, entire industries have sprung up with the sole purpose in their kindly little hearts being to make sure you and I have a great time while on vacation. To this end, they publish magazines, web sites, and even hire people with “accents” to call you during supper time and tell you about the great vacationing opportunities available to you—and you only—for a very (emphasis on “very”) short time.
Growing up, one of the vacation opportunities that my family frequently availed ourselves of was the “free one”. This is the one where you “win” a “free” trip to somewhere by signing up at the county fair. “All you have to do” when you get “there” is “tour our facility.” “Tour our facility” being a euphemism for “Listen to our sales pitch for three hours in which we will convince you that even if you make $3 an hour squeegee-ing windows on a street corner you can afford one of our luxury condos!” We saw a lot of Texas and New Mexico that way.
Someone must have changed that business model in recent years, though, because the last time my wife and I tried to sign up for one of those things we didn’t make enough money to qualify for the free tour. Not to worry! Just as there are other fish in the sea, there are other vacation options. Maybe not free, but—with some judicious searching—you can find a quality vacation that’ll cost you just a little less than open heart surgery.
I just don’t know what they are because Moore County doesn’t have a fair.