My name is Bat Masterson Garrett. I\u2019m a private detective. I always dreamed of leading a glamorous life like the P.I.s on TV, but it doesn\u2019t seem to work out that way in real life. Real life private detectives track down husbands who don\u2019t pay their alimony, or find out if someone is having the affair their spouse suspects them of having. Once in a while, there is a fight; but there aren\u2019t many shootouts or car chases. I sometimes wonder why I wanted that stuff in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Detectives on TV always get the girl, too. That never happens. Like I said, the people I deal with are usually already married (albeit trying to remedy the situation). Besides, people in real life don\u2019t even look like the people on TV. Well, some people (my former fianc\u00e9 Jody Anderson) used to accuse me of looking like Kevin Costner.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Well, what she said was that I probably weighed the same as Kevin Costner. My hair\u2019s almost the same color as his, but I have blue eyes and am only about an even six foot\u2014while I\u2019ve always figured him to be taller. Some girls think I\u2019m attractive, some don\u2019t, so I\u2019ll let you draw your own conclusions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
One day, I was sitting in my apartment in North Dallas looking at my baseball card collection when the phone rang. My phone never rings, so it liked to scared me to death. I hastily picked up the cards I had dropped and went over to the phone, sorting them on the way. I figured the odds were that the cards were more valuable than the phone call and deserved my attention. Having once owned a baseball card shop of my own (for about six months), I knew something of their value.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I answered and a man asked, \u201cIs this B.M. Garrett Investigations?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cSure is, what can I do for you?\u201d I was real surprised that anyone wanted me to investigate something. I\u2019m also listed in the yellow pages under \u201cPainters: House\u201d, and that seems to generate the majority of my calls for gainful employment. A couple times people have tried to hire me as a body guard, but I don\u2019t much care for the \u201crough work\u201d after my limited experience with it. I\u2019m not exactly a \u201cbig dude\u201d, anyway, and most of my schooling in self defense would fall under the heading of \u201crun\u201d.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThis is Franklin Gaston,\u201d he told me, \u201cOf Gaston Oil.\u201d He put in a pause like I ought to have heard of him but I hadn\u2019t so I just mumbled noncommittally. I don\u2019t keep up with the oil market except to the extent that I go to the cheapest gas station.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He continued, \u201cI think I am in need of the services of a private investigator, Mister Garrett. You are Mister Garrett, aren\u2019t you?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYes, but call me Bat.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cPat?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cNo, Bat. Like those things that sleep upside down in caves.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWell, yes,\u201d he said as he tried to regain his train of thought. My name always does that to people. Thanks, Dad.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWhat did you need, Mister Gaston?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWell,\u201d he said cautiously. \u201cI really think it would be much better for us to meet in private\u2014and in person. I\u2019m confident no one is listening in, but I would just feel more confident if I could talk to you in person.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI understand,\u201d I told him. It already sounded like he was going to ask me to trail his wife and find out if she was cheating on him. If that were true, I thought, he was probably afraid she would walk into the room he was in and overhear the conversation. Maybe she was already in there. You never know about these people. One guy hired me to watch his wife then told her I would be there. I didn\u2019t get much on her for some reason.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWhere would you like to meet, Mister Gaston?\u201d I asked. \u201cI\u2019m pretty flexible.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He seemed to be thinking a minute, then replied, \u201cIt needs to be some place out of the way. Do you have any suggestions?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI know just the place. It\u2019s on Northwest Highway\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThat\u2019s not out of the way,\u201d he told me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cIn a way, it is. Think about it, if you were having a secret meeting, would you normally go to one of the busiest streets in town? See, the idea is to do what\u2019s not expected. Like in football, sometimes you run the play that seems like the worst choice because the other team is confident you won\u2019t run that one.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
My name is Bat Masterson Garrett. I\u2019m a private detective. I always dreamed of leading a glamorous life like the P.I.s on TV, but it doesn\u2019t seem to work out that way in real life. Real life private detectives track down husbands who don\u2019t pay their alimony, or find out if someone is having the … <\/p>\n